“Some day.  That’s a dangerous word.  It’s really just code for never.”

 

Yes, I know.  Starting out by quoting a Tom Cruise movie will definitely not impress some people.  And I’m sure the same sentiment has been said various ways, many times in many places by many other people.  But that’s the one that sprang to mind.  And yes, I like Knight and Day.  Sure, Cameron Diaz’s character is disturbingly good at all spy related stuff for an auto mechanic, and Cruise’s character is of questionable sanity.  But it’s silly and fun.  So there.

Where was I going with this?

Oh, right.  Some day.

An old friend of mine passed away this week.  Battle with cancer that just became too much to be won.  

We had reconnected a couple of years ago – the wonders of social media.  She’d been through a lot; I’d been through a lot.  We talked a little, but never as much as I wanted (and maybe as she wanted).  Time gets away from us, right?  

Then came the news that her cancer was back.  Settled in and draped itself over everything.  She had been in the hospital for two months and was now home on hospice.  She talked about how she had wanted to do so many things in her life.  A friend said, “Make a list and we’ll do some when covid is over!”  She said very simply, “I won’t live to see the end of covid.”  

And she did not.

It makes me ponder two important points.

First, what have I wanted to do and not done – because of time, fear, resources, etc.?

Talking about this, of course someone said (in a half joking, half derisive tone), “Is this where it all becomes about you?”

Isn’t this where it becomes about us all?  When we know someone who dies – whether of an incurable disease or tragic accident – too early, 30-40 years too early, shouldn’t it make us pause and think about how we’re living?  Because this life is a risky proposition at terrible odds (even without a global pandemic).  We never know how much of it we’ll have – there are no guarantees.  So isn’t it a good thing to examine our lives and what we’re doing with them?

Because “some day” is, in fact, too often code for “never.”  We tell ourselves we’ll do this or that at some specified point in time: when we have the time, the energy, the focus, the money.  Some day we’ll try the thing we’ve always wanted to try, and some day we’ll do the things we’ve always wanted to do.  But will we?  Is there a magical time when it will be “right” to do these things?  We just have to wait for the stars to be in alignment?  Or is it easier to just put things off?  Because doing something new or different takes time and effort and courage.

And I’m not talking about the expensive stuff – sure, I want to hike the Camino de Santiago or visit Ireland, but realistically speaking, I can’t just drop everything and go do that because I can’t afford it.  I could start saving money, though that’s a long process.  

I mean the small stuff – the little things that are within our grasp immediately.  Like, say, working on the blog that you want to write – and constantly jot down ideas for posts – but have not touched in four years?  Or learning to play an instrument or speak a foreign language – which is not impossible, just a long process which takes time?  I know that I look around my house and see all kinds of “some day” projects.  Half-finished knitting projects and a notebook full of recipes to try and a stack of pictures that could go up on the walls.  Some of these are short term projects; some will take years (“to be read” pile, that was aimed at you).  

But as this pandemic and the endless pictures of bread have shown, we can learn something new when we want to.

If we think about our days, about the amount of time we spend on the unimportant, could we find ten minutes a day?  Twenty?  More?  So you want to be able to do the splits like you could when you were 14 – can you stretch 10 minutes a day?  So you want to learn to draw – can you get a $10 sketchbook at Joann’s and start doodling?  So you have a favorite shirt you haven’t worn in months because there’s a button you need to reattach but there’s always so many more important things that have to get done – can you just dig out the sewing kit and get it done? 

Yes, it’s hard.  It takes focus and energy and will (and believe me, I would not be a Green Lantern).  We’re all distracted and tired and busy – but how long can we put off the life we want to live?  How can we come to die and discover that we have not lived?  When we face death, which will we regret more – all the things we were brave enough to do and say (even if we weren’t very good at it or it didn’t turn out as we’d hoped) . . . or all the things we never did or said even though we wanted to because we thought we would have more time or more courage later on?

None of us know how much time we have.  Be who you want to be, live the life you want to live.  If you can’t do something right now, take a tiny step in that direction.  

The other point to ponder?

Tell those you love that you love and appreciate them.  Be generous with your love and kindness and compassion.  Don’t hoard it like toilet paper.  Share your love – we all need it.